drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
