I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
