When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
