Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
