i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
