jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
