my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
