With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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