tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
