Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
