Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
