There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
