I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
