used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
