my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
