Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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