There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
