The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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