Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
