I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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