I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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