And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
