My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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