I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
