please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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