dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize