I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
