D3 body, D1 cock
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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