Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize