Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
