I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
