my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
