put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
