Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
