We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
