I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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