I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
