dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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