I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
