Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
