My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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