You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
