i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
