It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize