You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
