how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize