By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
