I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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