Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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