the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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