Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need a beard to bite.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
