I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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