At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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