i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
