I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
