I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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