If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
