Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
