So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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