Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
