We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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