We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
