I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
