I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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