READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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