When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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