Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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