how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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