my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
