do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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