i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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