DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
