Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
