I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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