I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
