I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize