i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
