you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I AM VODKA MAN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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