If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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