just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
