sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
