I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
