Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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