How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
