winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
