the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
