i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
