Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
