we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
