dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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